yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
