the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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