I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
