explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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