here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
