Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
