You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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