I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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