i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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