you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
