DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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