we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
