So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
