Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
