Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
