Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
40s are totally the cure
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
