ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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