that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
