Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I cut my penus on the lid.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
