Your face is a jimmy john
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
