Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
