I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
