Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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