I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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