24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
