I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
