She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
