Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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