Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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