Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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