Since when is my name a synonym for head?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You left your phone here
Wait...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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