It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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