Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
