Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
