This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
