6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
