she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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