Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
