his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
