i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
