Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
your thong is hanging out like whoa
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
