whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
