Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
