I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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