yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
