How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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