8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
