you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
