Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
