I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
