a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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