He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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