no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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