i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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