I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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