WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize