u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
