I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
