I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just puked most of my soul out..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
