I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
