once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
