Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize