but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
there's paper in my vomit.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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