you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
