I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
