I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
