In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
