I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
