He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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