she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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