He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
