At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
